Responsible Adult

Dear You,
I some dark alley on a cold and dark night you and I hugged. I felt it was time, so i asked can i kiss you. You had your inhibitions however you gave in and the magic happened. You stood there unaltered as if it was purely me and not an inch of you. I was too under influence to think rationally.you suddenly broke it off and sent me away. I complied. Later you told me it shouldn't have happened , you were a responsible adult, it was wrong. You apologized and that was that. I wasn't sorry I wasn't ashamed.
Years later when the storm had settled our minds were less hectic, the cold familiar night arrived again. you were under influence once again, you found yourself hugging some on, tempted to ask the same question and you did. I was no where to be found. That is the night you met your responsible adult.

Love Me 

Wearing Your Heart On a Sleeve

Dear You

I was told i was born with TTN (Transient Tachypnea of the New Born). I was born holding my heart in my very own hands and I was at risk of squeezing my self to death. I was told it was painful to look at me. I was tiny and vulnerable and helpless. I was a threat to my own life. My elders saved me, they skinned my heart out of my hands and put it where it was safe. These stories fascinated me while I grew up. I was intrigued as to how can one be a danger to their own life. I grew up as a strong person, helping others and my self through hard times.
Then I met you, I was strong determined and focused. I once again held my heart in my hands for you to see, appreciate, love. You disregarded it as respectfully as you could. So I calmed down. Let it be however , I did not now how to put my heart back where it was safe. It was out in the open, at risk, endangered, tiny, helpless and vulnerable. Now I could understand how one can be a danger to themselves how painful it might have been when I was born. Unlike infancy no one around me bothered to help. So I did what I was born to do. I strangled my heart to death.

Love Me
10.02.15

Driven By A Sense

Dear You
Do not know what makes me function. A little bit of everything around me I guess.But i wait all day for it to end. to be alone so i can not function.To be free from  being Human. This feel of being in drill for a life drains me. I feel wasted. However i don't feel lost. I feel wasted enough to be up the next day to pour some activity down my throat. I am not unhappy, just dissatisfied. This urgent need to function is exhausting. I need to understand the sense that makes me function. Feed it or just suffocate it. . .

Love Me
06.02.15